There Will Be Duds

I want you to stop what you're doing right now (why am I sending people away from my blog? What about the sweet ad dollarz?!) and go look up the movie poster for "There Will Be Blood."

Are you not impressed by my sweet pun and spot on graphic?

I had to start out with something light and frivolous because it's only going downhill from here folks. We are about to descend into the bowels of hell. AKA: really terrible garments.

Every time I sew some piece of clothing successfully, I come off the project feeling infallible. Like, I have obviously cleared some sort of hurdle and will never again sew an unsuccessful garment.

But now that I've sewn lots of garments, I can say with certainty that this is not so. I predict that it's a fact of life that There. Will. Be. Duds.

Why?

• My body is very three dimensional. Three dimensional objects are difficult to sew fabric coverings for. 
• I haven't yet mastered fabric choice. I'm getting better, but...you know.
• Furthermore, I have the longest waist on earth. It's weird. I find that a lot of patterns for plus sizes assume you have a big bust, with a waist line just below the bust. That's not me.

I'm willing to press on of course: to better myself and continue to learn, improve, etc. In the spirit of examining my previous mistakes as a way to better understand my garment failings, let's take a look at some recent duds.

McCall's 7429

I saw a couple of lovely versions online that made me think this twist-front dress might look nice on me.

So, nope. I mean, I basically look like I wrapped myself in a big blanket and clumsily knotted it at my waist. The high neckline is not flattering on me, I cut it to be way too long, and the knot basically throws off any hope of an hourglass figure. 

Embarrassingly I actually wore this to work one day. Thank god I didn't have meetings with actual people that day.

The fabric was a really nice knit from Michael Levine. I'm sad I wasted it on this dress.

Obviously other people have made this dress work so I'm not sure I can entirely blame the pattern. I added length to the waist because of aforementioned super long waist, and I wonder if I left the knot right under the bust if it would have looked better? 

But maybe not because I do think the knot is way too big. The design is such that there's basically 30 layers of fabric. I think the other ladies who made this had larger busts and the knot was therefore not quite as large proportionately. 

McCall's 7120

I first blogged about this dress here. It's not even fair to call what you're looking at M7120 because I completely refashioned it after the initial design looked like I took a sack and cut some holes in it. Not a great recommendation for the pattern, to be fair.

What you're looking at is a valiant effort to save it. Unfortunately, the dress was dead on arrival, so it was kind of a futile effort. I took the liberty of modeling the dress inside out so you can get an idea of my resuscitation attempts. 

I think I also wore this to work at least once. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Can you see how the fabric is fraying at the hem? I wore it with a giant black cardigan to hide the hideous shoulder/armscye area, but STILL.

My husband has a particularly strong hatred for this dress. Sometimes I put it on and ask him "is it really that bad?" just to make sure he hasn't been body snatched.

Cashmerette Washington

I tried to make this work. I especially like the versions I've seen by Jennifer on Curvy Sewing Collective.

Once again, my long waist might be behind this not working out. In the first photo you can see approximately where the skirt is supposed to be positioned. The top of the waist band is well above my natural waist, then flares out an inch or so away from my body.

In the photo below I've let go of the skirt and let it fall to where it would naturally sit on my body. As you can see, there's a BIT of space between the bottom of the bodice and the top of the skirt.

Now I know that this look is in, but yeah no. 

Here is what it would basically look like from the side if I sewed it together. It's OK, I guess, but now my heart's just not in it. I could cut the bodice to be longer, or recut the skirt to be a bit smaller and fit better when properly positioned. But I hate the skirt fabric I chose, and I'm tired of trying to find three fabrics that work together.

McCall's 7561

Ooh what a fun, SUPER EASY EVEN AN IDIOT CAN SEW IT dress! Look, it says "Learn to Sew for FUN."

For fun, guys. For fun! Like, you weren't expecting a wearable garment, were you? Oh you silly child. Go back to having FUN.

I'm going to let my dead eyes and American-Gothic-potato masher pose speak for itself here.

I will add one more thing, which is that McCall's does this thing where it assumes that if you have some junk in the old trunk that you also have the shoulders of a linebacker. I cut the bodice according to my bust measurements and had to create a seam down the middle to narrow it so it fit. 

I might not be done with this one. Don't be shocked if you see it again, somehow getting worse.